So Very Blessed

 My little family has been under a lot of pressure lately. 

We've literally had as much car trouble in the last 7 months as we have in the whole rest of our married life (9 years) combined. When I was stranded with my kids yesterday I wasn't sure if I should cry (again) or laugh. Our medical bills have increased by thousands in the last 4 months. And there are countless other "little" things piled on top. Our stress levels are exhausting right now. 

Exhausting. 

It is Oh. So. Hard. to keep my focus during seasons of life like this.

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus’ life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith in keeping with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak. We know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and present us with you. Indeed, everything is for your benefit, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to increase to God’s glory. Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It's awfully easy to lose focus and start to despair. I am so guilty of this. I love to throw myself a good old pity party. I keep reminding myself that this is a season. And that my focus should be on eternal things even in the midst of a season of struggle. Maybe even more so. 

I always forget that the fastest way to find my focus again is to spend a little time being grateful. My kids are good reminders of it. When we were stranded in a parking lot yesterday they played in the grass under a pleasantly warm sun, had an ice cream cone, and rode their scooters down the sidewalk for hours. They had so much fun. My Girl's bedtime prayer was full of thanks for these little things. And she was truly happy and thankful!

All while my head was in my hands and my focus was derailed. 

I try it out.

Thank you for sunshine.

Thank you for ice cream.

Thank you for my children's smiling faces and sweet spirits.

Thank you for good friends and family who shower us with love and encouragement.

Thank you for an extra car that hadn't sold yet so that we are still able to limp around. 

Thank you for My Husband's steady job that keeps food on our table and a roof over our heads.

Thank you that in the midst of these struggles I have glimpses of grace.

Oh yes. There's that focus again. There's that hidden joy! You can't tell God how grateful you are without your focus shifting off yourself and onto Him. You can't have a heart full of joy while you despair over temporary circumstances.

May Jesus' LIFE be evident in my mortal flesh and my seasons of struggle. May I always fight to keep my focus on what is unseen and eternal. May I always give Him the praise and thanks He so deserves. 

My little family is so very blessed!

 

Tears Mingled

Thirteen years ago today my brother died.

I miss him.

I was at Ecola Bible School and he was on a mission trip in Bolivia. My mom and dad got the word in the middle of the night and showed up at my dorm very early the next morning. As soon as I opened the dorm door and saw them standing there with our pastor I knew something terrible had happened. It was surreal and horrible and scary. After they told me I put my head down and sobbed for a long time.

My memory of that morning is pretty patchy. The one thing I remember with perfect clarity is a gift that I have clung to for the last thirteen years. I was given a crystal clear picture of God's tender compassion and Father heart. I had a vision of myself on my face weeping in front of Jesus throne and my tears were falling on his bare feet. As I lay crying and watching my tears splash onto His feet I suddenly realized it was not only my tears I was seeing. He was weeping with me. We wept together and our tears mingled on his scarred feet. And in one of my deepest moments of pain I knew Love deeper than ever before. 

Life is exhausting and overwhelming. It hurts and sometimes feels completely unbearable. The bombing at the Boston Marathon is a recent example. There is pain and sadness at every turn. We live in such a broken world and it's full of broken people with the free will to make bad decisions. Jesus told us to expect this kind of pain and struggle, but thank you God, this broken world is not my home. My hope is not here.

I'm so grateful for a Love that intimately knows our deep pain and is waiting to weep with us. And to carry us through when necessary. There is a Love that offers hope beyond this broken world. That's where I choose to focus my sad, tired heart. There are days where I can only gasp with arms outstretched through the pain that crushes me. And Love lifts me and weeps with me and then points me to my true home.

My Jesus and my brother wait for me there.

Scrubbing Grossness

Have you ever had one of those days weeks?! 

Come on, be honest now. If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about! 

Oh man.... this last week? It was ROUGH. I was in tears on multiple occasions and I'm pretty sure My Husband had very real fears of me completely losing it. I don't know what me completely losing it would look like... but after last week I know it wouldn't be pretty!

We're just finishing 7 days of norovirus. I will spare you the gory details, but I spent most of my week scrubbing bodily fluids. I'm really not exaggerating either. Most of my week. Including night time hours when I should be sleeping. Norovirus has no off hours. 

By day 3 - I was EXHAUSTED.

By day 5 - I was CRAZY exhausted. 

By day 6 - I was teetering on the edge of completely losing it. 

Not pretty.

My dear, sweet, loving, (scared-of-me-completely-losing-it) Husband came home on day 6 and kicked me out of the house. He said I needed a break. My Boy and My Girl were starting to feel a little better and he was sure he could handle it. He gave me some money and sent me to wander around Target. Thank God for My Husband and thank God for Target!

Because we have been so sick we missed Easter celebrations this year. No Church services, no fancy dresses or egg hunts, and pretty measly Easter baskets. (Actually, My Boy wasn't feeling sick yet so he didn't miss it all, but I wasn't there to take pictures so it doesn't count!)

As I was wandering around Target shopping through the Easter clearance I had a chance to reflect on the Easter season a little bit. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and picked on really. It wasn't fair that we missed out. It wasn't fair that my sweet kids were so sick. And it definitely wasn't fair that I spent so much time scrubbing so much grossness this week. 

And then I remembered Jesus last meal with his disciples. He started it off by scrubbing their grossness. Getting down on his knees and washing their dirty, smelly feet. You can read about it in John chapter 13. After Jesus finished he told his disciples that they ought to follow his example and minister to each other and the world around them by scrubbing the grossness. (my personal paraphrase)

But he didn't stop with scrubbing the physical dirt. Jesus went on to scrub our spiritual grossness all the way to the cross. What love! What messy, dirty, smelly love. His willingness to get a little (ok, a lot!) messy for me... to clean me and redeem me! I felt a genuine sense of awe. It's so easy to forget the nitty-gritty of what he sacrificed out of love for us. And it is a beautiful thing to have a reminder of that. My reminder this week was norovirus.

My ministry to my children is so very often messy, dirty, smelly. I am frequently left to scrub their grossness... physical and otherwise. But this is what Jesus called me to and this is His example I'm following... and consequently setting for My Boy and My Girl behind me.

As I go about my day today, day 7, I'm feeling blessed and striving hard to remember the grossness Jesus willingly scrubbed for me.

And I'm scrubbing the grossness with a more thankful heart. 

Happy Belated Easter!