She Just Needs Me

Ah, My Girl. My wild one. Her busy-ness, her raw craziness, her over the top emotions.... they wear me down. 

Sometimes, I'm embarassed to admit, I live for bedtime. I watch the clock all afternoon counting down to the blissful quiet of her in bed. Until, sometimes (like last night), she's not in bed anymore. There's loud feet running, door creaking, and then her little voice asking. 

"Can you get me a drink?"

"Will you sing to me?"

"I want to give you another kiss and hug."

"I just need you, Mommy."

My tired mommy response is way too often annoyance. Why doesn't she understand that I just need a minute? A little break before starting all over again tomorrow morning? Because she's 3... and she just needs me. 

My favorite parenting verses have always been Zephaniah 3:17 

"He will rejoice over you with gladness.
He will bring you quietness with His love."

To know that God feels that way about His children...me? I'm a hot mess of impatience and selfish whining. And yet, He rejoices over me. He quiets me. 

And I just need Him.

Tonight when My Girl, my sweet wild one, climbs out of bed and comes running I will bite my impatient tongue. I will whisper to the One who quiets me. "God, I need you."

Then I will tuck My Girl into bed... again. I will sing. I will kiss and hug. I will whisper words of joy over her. And she will fall asleep quieted by my Love.

Because she has me and I have Him. 

Amazing Grace

Everyone knows this old hymn by John Newton. And there's a reason that it's so well known and well loved. 

It's beautiful!

I don't always love it when artists remake old hymns. I have a special fondness for hymns and think they're wonderful and worshipful as is.

This is one that I really do love though. It came on the radio this morning and touched my heart and I've been singing it to myself ever since. Take a quick listen and consider the lyrics as you do. I hope you hear the comfort and love from our Heavenly Father the way I did this morning!

 Amazing grace how sweet the sound  

That saved a wretch like me  

I once was lost, but now I'm found  

Was blind, but now I see

 
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear  

And grace my fears relieved 

How precious did that grace appear  

The hour I first believed
 

My chains are gone, I've been set free 

My God, my Savior has ransomed me  

And like a flood His mercy rains  

Unending love, amazing grace

 
The Lord has promised good to me 

His word my hope secures  

He will my shield and portion be  

As long as life endures

 
My chains are gone, I've been set free  

My God, my Savior has ransomed me  

And like a flood His mercy rains  

Unending love, amazing grace

 
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow  

The sun forbear to shine  

But God who called me here below 

Will be forever mine, will be forever mine  

You are forever mine

 

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) from chris-tomlin on GodTube.

Tears Mingled

Thirteen years ago today my brother died.

I miss him.

I was at Ecola Bible School and he was on a mission trip in Bolivia. My mom and dad got the word in the middle of the night and showed up at my dorm very early the next morning. As soon as I opened the dorm door and saw them standing there with our pastor I knew something terrible had happened. It was surreal and horrible and scary. After they told me I put my head down and sobbed for a long time.

My memory of that morning is pretty patchy. The one thing I remember with perfect clarity is a gift that I have clung to for the last thirteen years. I was given a crystal clear picture of God's tender compassion and Father heart. I had a vision of myself on my face weeping in front of Jesus throne and my tears were falling on his bare feet. As I lay crying and watching my tears splash onto His feet I suddenly realized it was not only my tears I was seeing. He was weeping with me. We wept together and our tears mingled on his scarred feet. And in one of my deepest moments of pain I knew Love deeper than ever before. 

Life is exhausting and overwhelming. It hurts and sometimes feels completely unbearable. The bombing at the Boston Marathon is a recent example. There is pain and sadness at every turn. We live in such a broken world and it's full of broken people with the free will to make bad decisions. Jesus told us to expect this kind of pain and struggle, but thank you God, this broken world is not my home. My hope is not here.

I'm so grateful for a Love that intimately knows our deep pain and is waiting to weep with us. And to carry us through when necessary. There is a Love that offers hope beyond this broken world. That's where I choose to focus my sad, tired heart. There are days where I can only gasp with arms outstretched through the pain that crushes me. And Love lifts me and weeps with me and then points me to my true home.

My Jesus and my brother wait for me there.