The Road

I just recently had a lovely visit with my 92 year old great aunt. I haven't seen her since I was a child because she lives in another state. My visit this time was far too short. She is a sweet, godly woman who has devoted her life to serving and following hard after God. I think she has a heart like King David's. I could have sat all day listening to her stories! There's one in particular that just touched me.

When I was little and my great aunt was a much younger woman, she lived in the Appalachian mountains serving the very isolated people that lived there. She was working with a group of young people and was hoping to take them on a little field trip up the mountain, so she took a drive up the steep mountain roads scouting out the place ahead of time. When she arrived at what she thought was the right place she began to explore... and ended up turned around and lost. There were several roads that led back down the mountain, but they were all rough and steep and she knew many of them were barricaded at the end and she could end up stuck with no way to turn her vehicle around again. She had to find the right road. So she drove slowly in a circle around the top of the mountain. 

She recognized none of the roads. 

She drove slowly around again. 

Still nothing. 

She began to drive around again... 

and heard the Lord's quiet whisper to turn and drive around in the opposite direction. Not understanding, but stepping out in obedient faith anyway, she turned around and started to circle back the way she came. And there was the road she was looking for. She had passed it several times, but the change of perspective... coming at it from a different direction... made all the difference. Remarkably, at the top of this particular road there was a small arrow pointing down that said simply "The Road". She was so impressed by this moment that she went back the next day and took a picture of the sign. She has this picture somewhere still and keeps it as a reminder. 

My great aunt lives in a nursing home now and gets quite lonely. The other day she told me she was in her little room feeling discouraged when the Lord brought this story to her memory and reminded her of His faithful leading. What a precious memory to have! 

Today, I was the one feeling discouraged. Nothing too terrible happened. Really, looking back on my day I have countless reasons to feel grateful and encouraged. But I'm ending my day worn out and my exhaustion can be so distracting from my blessings. I was about to have a good old pity party... complete with ice cream straight from the carton. And then the Lord brought my dear great aunt and The Road to mind. I hear His voice whispering to my exhausted heart...

 "Turn around. I Am The Road. Follow me." 

I take tentative steps. I'm moving slow. But I follow. And as I step out my heart lifts and I know He is faithful to lead me.

Thank you, God, for dear great aunts who still... at 92 years old!... serve you by sharing your faithfulness with the people around them. And thank you, thank you for being such a Faithful Leader to those of us in need of  

The Road.

She Just Needs Me

Ah, My Girl. My wild one. Her busy-ness, her raw craziness, her over the top emotions.... they wear me down. 

Sometimes, I'm embarassed to admit, I live for bedtime. I watch the clock all afternoon counting down to the blissful quiet of her in bed. Until, sometimes (like last night), she's not in bed anymore. There's loud feet running, door creaking, and then her little voice asking. 

"Can you get me a drink?"

"Will you sing to me?"

"I want to give you another kiss and hug."

"I just need you, Mommy."

My tired mommy response is way too often annoyance. Why doesn't she understand that I just need a minute? A little break before starting all over again tomorrow morning? Because she's 3... and she just needs me. 

My favorite parenting verses have always been Zephaniah 3:17 

"He will rejoice over you with gladness.
He will bring you quietness with His love."

To know that God feels that way about His children...me? I'm a hot mess of impatience and selfish whining. And yet, He rejoices over me. He quiets me. 

And I just need Him.

Tonight when My Girl, my sweet wild one, climbs out of bed and comes running I will bite my impatient tongue. I will whisper to the One who quiets me. "God, I need you."

Then I will tuck My Girl into bed... again. I will sing. I will kiss and hug. I will whisper words of joy over her. And she will fall asleep quieted by my Love.

Because she has me and I have Him. 

So Very Blessed

 My little family has been under a lot of pressure lately. 

We've literally had as much car trouble in the last 7 months as we have in the whole rest of our married life (9 years) combined. When I was stranded with my kids yesterday I wasn't sure if I should cry (again) or laugh. Our medical bills have increased by thousands in the last 4 months. And there are countless other "little" things piled on top. Our stress levels are exhausting right now. 

Exhausting. 

It is Oh. So. Hard. to keep my focus during seasons of life like this.

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus’ life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith in keeping with what is written, I believed, therefore I spoke, we also believe, and therefore speak. We know that the One who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and present us with you. Indeed, everything is for your benefit, so that grace, extended through more and more people, may cause thanksgiving to increase to God’s glory. Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It's awfully easy to lose focus and start to despair. I am so guilty of this. I love to throw myself a good old pity party. I keep reminding myself that this is a season. And that my focus should be on eternal things even in the midst of a season of struggle. Maybe even more so. 

I always forget that the fastest way to find my focus again is to spend a little time being grateful. My kids are good reminders of it. When we were stranded in a parking lot yesterday they played in the grass under a pleasantly warm sun, had an ice cream cone, and rode their scooters down the sidewalk for hours. They had so much fun. My Girl's bedtime prayer was full of thanks for these little things. And she was truly happy and thankful!

All while my head was in my hands and my focus was derailed. 

I try it out.

Thank you for sunshine.

Thank you for ice cream.

Thank you for my children's smiling faces and sweet spirits.

Thank you for good friends and family who shower us with love and encouragement.

Thank you for an extra car that hadn't sold yet so that we are still able to limp around. 

Thank you for My Husband's steady job that keeps food on our table and a roof over our heads.

Thank you that in the midst of these struggles I have glimpses of grace.

Oh yes. There's that focus again. There's that hidden joy! You can't tell God how grateful you are without your focus shifting off yourself and onto Him. You can't have a heart full of joy while you despair over temporary circumstances.

May Jesus' LIFE be evident in my mortal flesh and my seasons of struggle. May I always fight to keep my focus on what is unseen and eternal. May I always give Him the praise and thanks He so deserves. 

My little family is so very blessed!